I was talking with some friends the other night about that "blah" feeling. I've been just going through the motions. Nothing really brings joy. We're on the other side of a crazy season in our lives and trying to figure things out is sometimes overwhelming. Just BLAH...that's the only way I know to describe the feeling. Nobody can do anything just right. I've always considered myself a pretty joyful and happy person, but I just wasn't feeling it. Maybe it was the fact that it was snowing at the end of April. Who knows, I just was not pleased...with anything, even though I am amazingly aware that I have SO much to be thankful for, so much to be happy about, I just wasn't there. I was missing the moments.
Sitting around my kitchen table, with two of my newest and greatest friends, we discussed this feeling. Both of them are reading the book, "One Thousand Gifts", by Ann Voskamp. One in the middle of it, the other reading it for the second time. As they were describing this book to me, I knew that I had to have it. The way they described it, the way that their words came out as they tried to tell me the impact that it has already made on them...I couldn't wait to get my hands on it.
So I bought it. I am in awe. This book is beyond words. Ann Voskamp puts words together and thoughts together like no one I have ever read before. I read, and I see myself. I see how I've missed the moments to see God. To really and truly see God in the everyday moments (even the ugly moments) is what we all long for.
As I sit here to write my thoughts they escape me. How, 141 pages into a book, can I feel completely opened up, laid wide open, and seeing who I really am, yet, totally unable to describe that feeling, or even describe the book.
I will try. Our days are full of moments. Some great, some awful, but God is in everything. We have to choose to see joy, we have to choose to see the gift in the moment. We have to choose to give thanks, to offer thanksgiving in ALL things. Ann Voskamp takes a dare from a friend to make a list of 1000 gifts. To notice the small things, to see, really SEE the moments, and in seeing these moments, she sees God.
This quote really stood out to me. "But in this counting gifts to one thousand, more, I discover that slapping a sloppy brush of thanksgiving over everything in my life leaves me deeply thankful for very few things in my life." I want to be thankful. In the Word, Ann points out, thankfulness always proceeds the miracle. You can see it as you read the gospels. It's so evident. Yet, we're not content. We always want more, and yet we just let all of these moments pass us by, moments that have been given to us by God.
I feel completely scattered as I write this. My mind is reelling as I read this book. The depth is not even possible for me to describe. I just know that I want to live this life. To live this thankful, joy filled life. To see God in all things. To see his gifts, to me.
