Unafraid

So, apprarently there are 365 verses in the Bible that tell us, "Do not fear".  I've never counted, and don't plan on it, because, well, somebody else already has and I'm just gonna give them the benefit of the doubt.  Anyway, 365 verses about not being afraid means that there is one for every single day of the year.  (Except this year, a leap year.  Obvoiously someone needs to find another one for February 29th!!) 

One of my favorite verses in the Bible is in Mark 5 when Jesus tells the synagogue ruler who had just learned that his daughter had died, "Don't be afraid; just believe."  The Message says, "Don't listen to them; just trust me."  Then Jesus proceeded on to the man's house and told the supposedly dead girl to, "wake up," and she did.  She got up and started walking around.  People were astonished. 

Another favorite is in Mark 8.  A dad brings his boy who has been possessed by a demon for his entire life to Jesus.  First he finds the disciples, who couldn't help him, but then Jesus comes on the scene.  This daddy says to Jesus, "If you can do anything, do it.  Please help us." 

Jesus said, "If?  There are no 'ifs' among believers.  ANYTHING can happen." 

No sooner were the words out of Jesus' mouth when that dad cried, "I believe!!  Help my unbelief."  (A lot of emphasis was added by me, because this is how I imagine this conversation going down.)

There are days when I feel scared.  There are days when we all feel scared.  There are days when I hear that still small voice speak to me, "Don't be afraid.  Just believe." 

And I say, "But God!!  We need this.   And we need this.  And we don't have this.  And I don't know the right people.  And I have no stinkin' idea how in the heck you could have ever called us to do something like this, because today I am JUST NOT FEELING UP TO THE CHALLENGE!!" 

And I still hear, "Don't be afraid.  Just believe."

Dang!!  I'm trying.  With everything in me, I'm trying.  "Lord, I believe.  Help my unbelief.  I know you're strong.  You're bigger than my circumstances.  You own the cattle on the thousand hills.  You are 'I AM'.  You've done this, and this, and that.  You gave me this, you've given me that.  You brought me here and you brought me there.  You brought this person into my life.  You had this person do this for me.  You had this person say that to me.  I've never had a need go unmet.  Every single need I've ever had, you were up to the challenge.  You're bigger than me.  You know what is best for me.  You've got this covered."

And once again, I can rest in "Don't be afraid; just believe." 

Thankful

I was talking with some friends the other night about that "blah" feeling.  I've been just going through the motions.  Nothing really brings joy.  We're on the other side of a crazy season in our lives and trying to figure things out is sometimes overwhelming.  Just BLAH...that's the only way I know to describe the feeling.  Nobody can do anything just right.  I've always considered myself a pretty joyful and happy person, but I just wasn't feeling it.  Maybe it was the fact that it was snowing at the end of April.  Who knows, I just was not pleased...with anything, even though I am amazingly aware that I have SO much to be thankful for, so much to be happy about, I just wasn't there.  I was missing the moments.

Sitting around my kitchen table, with two of my newest and greatest friends, we discussed this feeling.  Both of them are reading the book, "One Thousand Gifts", by Ann Voskamp.  One in the middle of it, the other reading it for the second time.  As they were describing this book to me, I knew that I had to have it.  The way they described it, the way that their words came out as they tried to tell me the impact that it has already made on them...I couldn't wait to get my hands on it.

So I bought it.  I am in awe.  This book is beyond words.  Ann Voskamp puts words together and thoughts together like no one I have ever read before.  I read, and I see myself.  I see how I've missed the moments to see God.  To really and truly see God in the everyday moments (even the ugly moments) is what we all long for.

As I sit here to write my thoughts they escape me.  How, 141 pages into a book, can I feel completely opened up, laid wide open, and seeing who I really am, yet, totally unable to describe that feeling, or even describe the book. 

I will try.  Our days are full of moments.  Some great, some awful, but God is in everything.  We have to choose to see joy, we have to choose to see the gift in the moment.  We have to choose to give thanks, to offer thanksgiving in ALL things.  Ann Voskamp takes a dare from a friend to make a list of 1000 gifts.  To notice the small things, to see, really SEE the moments, and in seeing these moments, she sees God. 

This quote really stood out to me.  "But in this counting gifts to one thousand, more, I discover that slapping a sloppy brush of thanksgiving over everything in my life leaves me deeply thankful for very few things in my life."  I want to be thankful.  In the Word, Ann points out, thankfulness always proceeds the miracle.  You can see it as you read the gospels.  It's so evident.  Yet, we're not content.  We always want more, and yet we just let all of these moments pass us by, moments that have been given to us by God.


I feel completely scattered as I write this.  My mind is reelling as I read this book.  The depth is not even possible for me to describe.  I just know that I want to live this life.  To live this thankful, joy filled life.  To see God in all things.  To see his gifts, to me. 

Like Jesus

John 5:13-16 Message Translation --
     "Let me tell you why you are here.  You're here to be salt-seasoning that brings out the God-flavors of this earth.  If you lose your saltiness, how will people taste godliness?  You've lost you're usefulness and will end up in the garbage."
     "Here's another way to put it:  You're here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world.  God is not a secret to be kept.  We're going public with this, as public as a city on a hill.  If I make you light-bearers, you don't think I'm going to hide you under a bucket, do you?  I'm putting you on a light stand.  Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand--shine!  Keep open house, be generous with your lives.  By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."

     So what are we called to be?  We are called to be salt and light.  In a world without either salt or light, you have dreary darkness and boring bland-ness.  We spend so much time worrying about what we're supposed to do with our lives, when it's really pretty simple.  We're supposed to be like Jesus.  We're supposed to shine.  Jesus changed the whole world, and continues to, only being in "ministry" for three years.  Now it's our job to continue. 

Hebrews 12:1-3 talks about a great cloud of witnesses.  In the Message it says, "Do you see what this means--all the pioneers who blazed the way, all these veterans cheering us on?  It means we'd better get on with it.  Strip down, start running, and never quit!  No extra spiritual fat, no parasitic sins.  Keep your eyes on Jesus, who both began and finished this race we're in.  Study how he did it.  Because he never lost sight of where he was headed - that exhilarating finish in and with God - "  Just an fyi, "strip down" does not mean get naked!!  It means to get rid of all the junk that's holding you back.  Get rid of the sin and insecurities that are holding you down.  Get rid of the hurts and the anger and get out there and make your mark for Jesus.  Continue on where all these veterans have left off.  They were bold, they were brave, and they had AMAZING faith in God.  Our God, who can do ALL things.

Repeat of John 5:16
"Now that I've put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand--shine!  Keep open house, be generous with your lives.  By opening up to others, you'll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven."

Show people Jesus.  Love people like Jesus loved people.  Open up yourself to others.  Be generous.  We can't do these things if we keep to ourselves.  Our world needs your saltiness!!  Our world needs your light.  SHINE!!

This is a post from a blog that I follow that really made me think about what am I really called to be.  It will challenge your thinking in a HUGE way.

http://www.ragamuffinsoul.com/2011/03/crap/

I'm overflowing

My heart is overflowing this morning. I just finished days 4 and 5 of week 9 of "Jesus the One and Only" from Beth Moore. I mentioned this Bible Study yesterday. (Still LOVE IT!!)

Day 4 is titled "The Kiss of Betrayal". Speaking of Judas' kiss, as his sign of pointing out Jesus to those who were coming to betray him. -A bit off topic, but leading to where I'm going: I love how God reveals different things at different times when we get into the Word. He's so awesome.- My "reveal of the day" today was in Matthew 26:49-50, "Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, 'Greetings, Rabbi!' and kissed him. Jesus replied, 'Friend, do what you came for.'" Did you see that? HE CALLED HIM FRIEND!! Not enemy, not betrayer, not you SUPER, MEAN JERK!! (Yes, that last one is what probably would have come out of my mouth. I use the word "super" to accentuate almost anything.) But friend. He called him friend. Judas was not his enemy. Jesus loved him, he was his companion. They'd done a lot together. It makes me cry, as a human, to even imagine the betrayal that Jesus must have felt.

I have friends. I have people that I consider "companions". They are ones that really know me. They are the ones that I am able to be "real" with. A lot of people see me, and know about me, but not everybody knows my passions. Not everybody knows my heart. Not everybody gets to see me in action. Only my friends get that "privelege"!! My friends are the ones that I don't have to clean my house for. (Although, I do try to make sure my toilets are clean for them!!) My friends are the ones that I can call on a Friday night and they'll be over an hour later for pizza and some games. My friends know my weaknesses, and they're okay with them. My friends are the ones that I trust to take care of my kids. The ones that I get the privelege of taking care of their kids. My companions in life.

This was the kind of relationship that Jesus and Judas had. They had done life together. Judas knew what he was doing. I wonder when he realized the extent of it. (The Word does say that the devil "entered him" in Luke 22:3, so I'm sure that Satan found a very convenient time to "exit" him.) Was it at that point when Jesus called him, "friend"? I'm thinking it must have been. That moment is followed pretty quickly by Matthew 27:3-5 MSG, "Judas, the one who betrayed him, realized that Jesus was doomed. Overcome with remorse, he gave back the thirty silver coins to the high priests, saying, 'I've sinned. I've betrayed an innocent man.' They said, 'What do we care? That's your problem!' Judas threw the silver coins into the Temple and left. Then he went out and hung himself." He had betrayed his friend. He couldn't handle it. I wonder if he maybe thought Jesus would get out of it. In vs 3 says, he "realized that Jesus was doomed." Did he not think it would get to the point that it had gotten? After all, being his companion, he knew the power that Jesus had. He had seen the miracles that Jesus had performed. He'd seen him walk on water, feed thousands with a few fish and a bit of bread. He saw him RAISE THE DEAD!! I'm not trying to "stick up for Judas" at all. I'm just wandering a bit.

That's all I have time for right now. I would love to write about Peter's betrayal right now, too, but I have a certain little girl asking for cheese. Gotta go!!

One of those days

I am having one of those days. I blame it on hormones. Ya know, the days where nobody can do anything right and you snap and think to yourself, "who am I?!!" This post is going to probably be pretty random. Fair warning!!

My girl (Aubrey)-We are fighting lately. A lot. She is stubborn. I, too, am stubborn. Wade tells me that I just need to be more patient, as he steps in to save the day. (Or to save Aubrey from her mama's wrath!!) Patience...not something I want. In the heat of the moment, I want to win. I want to prove who is stronger, who is the MOM!! Grrr. I know I need to pray more for her, (and for myself), rather then fight with her, but I really do struggle.

My Man (Wade)- He is just funny. We got a new tv...from the dump. Well, a guy was dropping it off at the dump when my crazy man intercepted it and upon asking him if the thing worked, talked him into dropping it off at our house instead. It is HUGE. It's a projection screen tv and is now in our playroom, which we have now dubbed the rec room. It is now too cool to be a kid's "play room". We got the tv inside and decided that the white room where our children have been playing for the last six years was not "fancy" enough to house such a monument. So we ran to the store and grabbed some paint. We now have a fancy new room in our home, encouraging us to get on the ball and get the rest of the house looking almost as fancy!! My friend is coming by this week to recommend colors!! Ha ha!!

My boy (Nathan)-What can I say about Nathan. He just is. He's as steady as can be. Always up, unless you tell him that he can't bring a toy somewhere that he thinks needs to go with him. (Today it was a mini video game to church!! I ruined his whole day by vetoing that one!!) We met with his teacher this week for parent/teacher conferences. He's a smart kid. He loves, loves, loves to read and has already told me that he can't wait for 2nd grade so he can have harder work!! Ha ha!! Crazy kid!! I wish I was able to keep up with him. My mind whirls sometimes with that boy.

Me -I am currently on day 14 of a 90 day challenge to read the Bible through in it's entirety. I'm in Deuteronomy right now. I am very glad to be done with Leviticus and Numbers, and now in Deuteronomy it's Moses' recap of the 40 years in the wilderness and then how to proceed in the future. It's interesting, but I can't wait until they get into the Promised Land!! I'm ready for some more excitement!! Ha ha!! This challenge has taken me about 45 minutes each day, but it is totally worth it. I really am loving it. Like I've said before...I love a good challenge. I need something to "finish". (I was gonna say conquer, but that would probably not be the correct terminology for finishing the Bible!!)

I'm also in my last week and a half of Beth Moore's "Jesus the One and Only" Bible Study. It's AMAZING! I love Jesus. I love everything about him. I have tears in my eyes right now just typing about it. He is so awesome and He loves us so much. He was such an awesome man. He loved people in a way that is beyond what I can imagine. I have thoroughly enjoyed this study, and have challenged and stirred up in so many ways. It is one that I want to do again, with a new group of ladies. I think it's priceless.

I am also feeling bad. Not only hormonal and grumpy, but I have had a cold for about two months. Actually, I think I'm on my 3rd cold in two months. I have coughed so much, that I now have a muscle that is super tight and it hurts to cough, sneeze, or even move in some ways. I'm going to have to go in tomorrow for a dr's appt. It's been a week and it's not getting better. This has effected my exercising, which I know adds to my over-all not feeling well, also, because I like to be able to exercise. It helps me be able to eat more food and it is that time of year, when a girl likes to eat!!

Well, that's it for now. Wade just called. He and the kids are heading to DQ with the group that just finished our nursing home ministry. (Yes, he saved his children from me this afternoon!!) I'm gonna get my house in some kind of order and get ready for relaxing in our new "rec room" with my family and a dvd!!

Sun Stand Still

I just got this book by Steven Furtick. I'm only three chapters into it and already, I am EXCITED!! In so many ways, what this book is about is confirmation to what Wade and I are believing God for right now. We are truly stepping out into what he has called us to do. It is scary, it is different, it is intimidating, it is....well, you get the picture. God has called us to do things differently. We are setting our sights on Hayward and the surrounding area and claiming it for God. We want these people to know God. We want these people to know that God is real, that he is good, and that he loves them. We are believing that God will send people to us that have a passion, just like he's given us. A passion to see lives changed, to see our city changed, to see a movement of God that hasn't been seen yet in this generation. We are believing God...for this vision that he has given to us to come forth.

In the book, (so far) he is talking about Joshua, and the faith that Joshua had. What an audacious prayer to pray, that God would cause the sun to stand still. But God did it. He extended the day, and Joshua was able to fulfill what God had called him to do for that day. Wow!! He also talks about himself, his family, and the vision that God gave him when he was only 16, about starting a church in a large city. He started it when he was 24, and 4 years later he has 5000 members. WHAT?!! Seriously!

God is increasing our faith in amazing proportions. He is showing us that he is faithful and that he is truly our provider. He has shown us that the time is NOW. In fact, we strongly believe that if we don't start stepping now, we are in rebellion towards HIM. This isn't about us. This is about Him and the movement that He has started. But he's invited us to be a part of it. I count it an honor!!

All about ME!!

I've felt for a long time that I needed to start a blog. There's always something going on in my life, something that is on my heart, something that is bothering me, something that I've been challenged with. I read blogs that my friends write, or blogs of other ladies in ministry and I always think to myself that that is something that I need to do. So...here I am. With my own blog, to let you know the thoughts that I think!! Ha ha!!

For those of you who just stumbled on this blog, I will tell you a bit about myself. My name is Karlee. I have been married to the man of my dreams, Wade, for ten years. Wade is currently serving as the assistant and youth pastor at our church. He is an amazing husband. He makes me feel like the most beautiful and most well loved woman in the entire world. We have two crazy kids. Nathan, who is 7, and is always up for a laugh and has recently informed me that he likes to talk. This was said after he has persisted in talking after many requests for him to stop. He's having trouble with this at school and at home, so we are constantly reminding him to use the fruit of "self-control" that he has!! He is HILARIOUS. Aubrey is 4. She is my promise from God after two miscarriages. Aubrey is in her first year of pre-school. She is not as out-going as her gregarious brother, but once she warms up, she is not one to stop talking either!! She is so sweet and fun to be with. We laugh constantly, but she can turn on an attitude like nobody I have ever met. Often Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde come to mind when I think of my Aubrey. She is currently my child that I talk to God about the most!! Ha ha!! How to deal with her attitude is beyond me!!

But really, that whole last paragraph was not about me, but about my family. Now, I'll talk about myself!! I, Karlee, have been a born again Christian since I was small. I have been aware that God's will for my life included a strong call to ministry since I was in high school. In the last couple of years God has really began to move me out in that call. I have such a strong love for people, women and families, in particular. I desire to see people know God, really, really KNOW him. It is my desire to lead and to guide people to discover who they are in God. God loves us so much, not because we're good, but because he created us, we are called to be his children. I want everybody to realize that. I want to see families healed. I want to see people restored, so that they can serve God to their full capacity. I want to see people saved!! I want to see the person that nobody thinks will ever turn to God, turn to God. I want the people of God to realize that it all comes down to JESUS, and that without him we are nothing, but with Him, we are more than conquerors. That is my desire, and lately God has been opening up new doors of opportunity to Wade and I to really see what his next steps are for our lives.

My loves...I love Jesus. I love my family. I love my parents and my sister. I love my husband's family (He's got a good one!!). I love my friends. I love to read. I love to shop. I love to throw parties. I love to go to parties. I love to sing, (although nobody else really loves it when I sing). I love people. I love pizza. I love ice cream. I love warm homemade bread with butter. I love to be home by myself. I love coffee. I love summer. I love Christmas time. I love a good challenge, (both physically and spiritually)!! Those are just a few of my loves!! Ha ha!!